And yet around 75% of us have a fear of speaking in public.
How can that be? Why is public speaking so scary for so many of us?
Let’s find out. 👇
Why do we fear public speaking?
If you don’t feel comfortable speaking somewhere, the first step is to ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?”
What is the fear trying to say?
I first asked myself this question back when live streaming was a brand-new thing on an app called Periscope. Remember Periscope?
All the marketing gurus said to broadcast daily to build a following. That’s what I intended to do. I was afraid but undeterred.
That first week my heart pounded so hard like a caffeinated Seabiscuit racing ’round the track. 😬
I reached out to my video mentor and asked if this was normal. She said, “Oh, don’t worry Linda, you’ll be fine. It takes about 10 weeks or 70 days to adjust.”
10 weeks???
I braced myself for the days ahead and looked online for ways to deal with my fear.
I tried something new every day – affirmations, meditation, deep breathing, power poses – you name it, I tried it. I knew that if I just stuck with it, I’d get over the hump.
Alas, as I went to hit the “broadcast” button on day 75, I realized my heart was still pounding painfully in my chest. Whoa, Seabiscuit, whoa!
After all this experience and practice, I was still terrified of speaking on camera.
And THAT’s when I realized something that changed the course of my career…
You can’t put a bandaid on fear
You can’t just ignore fear, punch it, or push it away and expect it to disappear. The techniques I’d been using had helped me get through the experience each day, but if I wanted to get rid of my fear, I’d have to get to the root of it.
I decided to connect with my fear and ask, “What is my fear trying to say?”
The first thought that popped into my head was, “I’m going to be attacked.”
A memory came back to me: my mom yelling at my two older sisters, “Why can’t you girls be more like Linda!”
You see, I was “the good one” in the family. I put away my clothes. I did all my chores. My mom never had to ask me twice.
But when my mom compared me to my sisters like that, my sisters charged at me. They kicked me in the shins and called me “stupid.”
That’s when it hit me.
I didn’t feel safe speaking in front of an audience because I’d learned it was dangerous to be the center of attention.
My fear was trying to protect me from this danger.
And your fear of speaking is trying to protect you from something too.
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What is your fear trying to tell you?
You didn’t come into this world afraid to be seen. Quite the opposite. Babies and children depend on attention. They thrive on it.
Picture a toddler taking their first steps. Or a five-year-old hanging upside down on the monkey bars, shouting, “Look at me, look at me!” Chances are, you were like that too.
So what happened between then and now? What made you trade your free expression for caution? When did you decide it was safer to hide?
Maybe it wasn’t your siblings who kicked or attacked you, but have you ever been bullied? Did you have a mean teacher who ridiculed or shamed you? Were you ever physically punished?
What impact did the school system and grading have on you? Did you feel put on the spot to know the right answer?
Did you have a traumatic home life? Did you feel ignored, excluded, or neglected? Maybe your parents said things like, “Don’t brag,” “Don’t speak unless spoken to,” or, “Silence is golden.”
Somewhere along the way, you learned that being the center of attention, speaking, or expressing yourself was dangerous or bad in some way. Better to keep your head down and not stand out.
That’s why your body gets triggered. It remembers what happened and does its best not to let it happen again.
How do you clear your fear?
When I discovered I was still carrying hurts from the past, I knew I needed to clear them away.
I made a list of all the healing practices I loved and tried them out.
I tapped and made statements using the Emotional Freedom Technique. I envisioned my younger self and spoke with her. I wrote in my journal and danced for release.
I spent hours at night thinking of the comments I’d been holding onto and forgave everyone I could think of. Most importantly, I forgave myself.
Using all these tools, I built myself a public speaking empowerment kit.
Something must have moved the needle because, after only five days, my Seabiscuit heart vanished.
And a week later, I heard myself say how grateful I was to get to live stream because, after a hectic day, I could turn on the camera and just relax! I would never have expected that! Relax? In front of a camera?!
You can white-knuckle your way through the fear with stress and struggle. Or you can uncover the root causes and clear them away. Choose the latter and enjoy the freedom on the other side.
So, why is public speaking so scary for you? What do you think your fear is trying to tell you? Do any early memories come to mind? Let me know in the comments below.
Want to overcome your fear of being seen? Check out my book, Delight in the Limelight.
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